Saturday, January 28, 2006 A.D.
My life is peeling like a blister and suddenly I feel as if I just lost a good chunk of fingerprint. I realize that I won't get to hear your voice as much anymore. It's difficult to put words down, but after everything, all I can properly say are I'm sorry, thanks for everything, and I'll miss you.

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Thursday, January 12, 2006 A.D.
Happy Birthday Kai
I'll always be here for you. I'll also always be there for you. Please don't confuse my whereabouts with my good intentions.

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Friday, January 06, 2006 A.D.
Things to Do in 2006 (5 of 5)
25. Clean Up My Room - This is, of course, easier said than done. I risk being buried under a pile of plastic and paper daily. There have been previous attempts to organize my stuff though, make no mistake, but those efforts only kept relocating the clutter I hoarded in the last decade to another part of the room (like playing with a four-dimensional Rubik's cube). It's a daunting venture, to say the least, but being a logical person, I plan to begin with the simplest and most logical solution: move out of my room, into the living room, and forget about the clutter.

26. Start a Cult - Not to be confused with #23 because this shall be exclusively a business venture. The first step shall be to register a business name, and 'Church of Metrology' shall suit my purposes. For this venture, I shall be the Presidential High Priest, and I shall have a court/board of five half Filipina-half foreigner Host/Singer/Model/Actress/VJ/Socialite/Philanthropists who shall serve as Priestesses for each of the following relevant dioceses: Culture, Fashion, Grooming, Food and Wine, and Interior Design. My gospel shall be of the theme that life is a continual series of sacred makeovers that shall ultimately lead believers to actualization. I shall enlist a majority of artistas to be among my beloved flock, of course, to save on marketing expenses. These artistas shall serve as prophets, and they shall all be aptly instructed to know psychiatry.

27. Shave Along the Grain - And not against. I'm guilty of doing the latter, I admit. Shaving along the grain can actually make stubble less prickly, and can help reduce unwanted instances of ingrown hair, only that it seems to take more time to do that than to shave against the grain. It's somehow easier to shave off my facial hair in consistent upward strokes than downward, and I blame my follicles for that since they grow hair toward that overrated force of nature known as gravity. If my attempts at proper shaving do not succeed, I'll just have to convince my follicles to grow hair upward by sleeping with a light source on my headboard (it works for grass).

28. Take More Lactobacillic Substances - My aunt lovingly produces lactobacillic culture in her kitchen using fresh milk and a certain type of Tibetan fungus (seriously). The resulting substance, in both cream and liquid (whey) forms, supposedly has therapeutic effects on humans who are willing to ingest (or apply) the curious smelling emulsion. The curious smell is, sadly, nothing one should be curious about because it isn't too different from sour milk that has congealed under someone's toenails. The enzymes, however, supposedly aid in digestion and promote healthy cellular growth. People that my family know have actually been reacting positively to the lacto-fungal concoction, including cancer patients. There are even reports that it can resurrect inactive hair follicles(!). As someone merely concerned for the welfare of males affected by male pattern baldness, I will employ scientific methods by volunteering my perfectly healthy follicles to prove or refute the claims.

29. Visit My Dentist - The last time I visited my dentist was June of 2003, and before that, March 2002. Two of my molar fillings have already caved in and I fear the worst. The truth is that I am a sensitive person that if I were a member of a boyband, I would be the one singing in castrated falsetto. My dental nerve endings are hopelessly located too close to my teeth roots that every time my teeth are prodded with sharp metal implements I feel the urge to pee in my pants. My dentist, however, is a gracious and motherly professional who thankfully always knows when to apply gracious and motherly anaesthesia. She's a saint, only with a high-pitched drill.

30. Stop Procrastinating - Maybe next year.

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Thursday, January 05, 2006 A.D.
Things to Do in 2006 (4 of 5)
19. Take Valerian Root - Valerian root is a natural sleep enhancing supplement. It has no addictive or habit-forming effects, unlike tranquilizers, because it doesn't induce sleep so much as enable your system to produce more sleep hormones. It's usually taken in capsule form. I find it effective, and I see no reason to doubt its effectiveness by its smell alone because it stinks like a mountain goat's rectum. I don't exactly know how a mountain goat's rectum is supposed to smell like, especially not through personal experience, but if I were to actually sniff a mountain goat's rectum, I would expect it to smell like valerian root. On a related note, there isn't evidence showing that smelling a mountain goat's rectum can actually enhance sleep, but anybody is welcome to try in the interest of science.

20. Write a Song - I can't write a song if my life depended on it. I can try though, but I can only really play the bass (not exactly the most melodic of instruments). I have picked up the standard six-string late last year in hopes of learning it. With a bit of basic chord theory, I can properly string together simple chordal arrangements but I still can't create melodies (let alone lyrics). Still, I am determined to write something within the year, never mind if I expect it to suck worse than a breast pump. I'll write a song and it will be in a language you will understand.

21. Get Bitten by a Radioactive Animal - This will be a bit difficult. Step one will require for me to actually find an animal that can bite. It's really only a choice between mosquitoes and stray dogs, since I only have ready access to those two animals. Step two will involve procuring radioactive elements, for which I expect to be breaking a few local and international laws. Assuming that I do find an isotope, I risk a slow and painful death via radiation poisoning or worse - sterility. Thirdly, I have to make the animal radioactive, which I assume only requires exposing the mosquito or dog to the isotope until it starts turning greenish. Lastly, I'll have to slather maple syrup on the body part to be bitten, which is the easiest step of all, since I do regularly slather maple syrup on my body anyway as a hobby. Next step: pick a superhero name.

22. Honor My Dead - My three grandparents are pretty much neighbors, and the cemetery, on a good day, is only fifteen minutes away. It should be the easiest thing in the world to do, given the logistical conveniences. I will schedule regular visits within the year just so I can avoid the mad rush come November. I wouldn't want to end up in the afterlife and be met with a guilt trip.

23. Find Religion - Despite claims to such, I do not worship the devil. Really. In truth, I have been culturally exposed to a variety of religions although I like to think that I'm predominantly Catholic (I'm probably a non-practicing atheist, come to think of it). I get inspired by rock stars and the like who live lives of excess only to discover religion in the end, and as a result, find peace and 'real' happiness. That's how I would like to discover religion, I think. Step 1: sex. Step 2: drugs. Step 3: rock n' roll. Step 4: God.

24. Learn to Write with My Right Hand - In this way, I can assume right-handedness in a public place and, while writing the first few letters with my right hand, conveniently decide to stop mid-sentence and announce to everyone within earshot that I will start writing with my left hand instead because my right hand already feels tired from figuring out a solution to world hunger and/or an advanced particle physics problem the whole day. "Are you ambidextrous?" "Why? Aren't you?" Ambidexterity: it makes even the hopelessly drunk and clueless regular Einsteins.

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Wednesday, January 04, 2006 A.D.
Things to Do in 2006 (3 of 5)
13. Eat Otoro - I was never much a fan of sushi until sometime last year (no, California Maki doesn't count). Otoro is fatty tuna, basically a choice cut taken from the belly of a yellowfin. I learned about it through an episode of GTO, where Onizuka's students kept mentioning how it melts in their mouths like Kobe beef. Like the latter, Otoro is really expensive, easily worth its weight in some precious metal. I've heard through a friend that there's a sushi place in Hong Kong that serves Otoro exclusively. A single order of a few slices is supposed to cost close to five thousand pesos. Just between you and me, that amount can already buy you a lot of COOKED fish.

14. Back Up - I cannot express just how crucial this is. I went AWOL from this blog for December last year because my hard disk just disappeared when I booted up one day. This little setback cost me about 30 gigabytes of files (that's around 29 gigabytes of academic porn, I think). Even worse, all my works-in-progress became binary values that my machine could not make sense of. This year, I promise to back up. I don't want to have to download that much porn all over again (which I view for academic purposes).

15. Keep in Touch - My social network has somehow gotten to be unrealistically and logistically huge that I start to doubt my psychological assessments, which have always put me down as an introvert (I know that I am though, even if it seems otherwise). I will try to get in touch with all of the people who, in one way or another, have disappeared from my radar during the last ten to fifteen years. For this undertaking, I will stalk people, coerce information from them and even hire private investigators. Friendster can only get me so far, after all.

16. Listen to Each of My CDs - Not to be confused with #8, which will involve only DVDs and books that I never got to view, I intend to listen to all my CDs this year, playing each disk at least once. This won't be an easy feat because the first task will be to gather them all together, including the ones I lent to others. I guess the next logical step will be to catalogue them, another task I promised to do several years back.

17. Befriend Celebrities - It's possible, I think, even with my options having grown severely limited. My friend over at MTV just resigned and I haven't bothered exploiting my other well-connected friends' social networks yet. I will have to lower my standards, I think. I can probably start with the lesser networks like ABC5 and IBC13, and most importantly RJTV 29. After all, who wouldn't want to have Jojo Alejar as a friend?

18. Perfect My Swing - Golf is a gentleman's game, so it's but appropriate for me to learn how to play, seeing as I am a perfect gentleman with perfectly gentlemanly pursuits. My first attempt at the game happened during the last day of 2005 - my dad has been gradually learning over the past month and I finally caved in to his invitations to go with him to the driving range that day. I think he just wanted to make me miserable that day because, having a good head start, hitting those dimpled balls is something he knew he can beat me at.

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Tuesday, January 03, 2006 A.D.
Things to Do in 2006 (2 of 5)
7. Avoid Looking and Feeling Dirty - It's difficult to achieve this, particularly in the gym where I can't help giving out dirty looks and feeling dirty after. I don't really work out at the gym so much as try to look busy while slowly surveying the floor for surveyables. Group classes are the best for this purpose, but I have to remind myself to not be deterred by the occasional male who enjoys shaking his hips too much.

8. Watch My Unwatched DVDS and Read My Unread Books - I never made a secret of my packrat tendencies, and over the years I have amassed enough junk in my room to earn my mom's consternation, who's convinced that she's going to get lost among my junk one day. Inadvertently, some of the stuff I take home (as a sad victim of our consumerist society) get overlooked. I plan to find all those, keep them where I can see them and finally finish them within the year. With luck, this may prevent me from further adding to the horrific pile.

9. Stop My Hairline from Receding - Not that my hairline is receding, of course (it's not, really). This is going to be a purely preventive undertaking. I'm not in denial either. Really. I should get my follicles to cooperate within the year. Suggestions are welcome, you know, to help those who might get to accidentally read this.

10. Moisturize - I have never used moisturizers in my life unless really necessary. I have yet to find out the benefits of using them, but I'm willing to start learning. I can start small, with my bloody lower lip for example, which is currently cracked in three places.

11. Find the Original Kendrick - I can't, for the life of me, figure out where this name originated. In all likelihood, Chinoy mothers from the 70s merely conspired to name all their sons Kendrick but I think otherwise. This will require a bit of research, but I believe that the name Kendrick was hypnotically suggested by the Marcos regime to Chinoy mothers while they were undergoing labor (possibly with the help of laced anaesthesia). The whole point of this exercise was obvious - Chinoy males are mutants to be afraid of, and forcing the 'Kendrick' upon them makes them easily traceable through their birth certificates. It's not a name, you see, but a brand.

12. Learn a Foreign Language - I promise to learn Chinese this year. I learned my Mandarin from watching Star Movies during high school, which was more effective than all the years of Chinese education that I was put through (maybe because I was watching Star Movies when I should be studying). My Fukien, on the other hand, was learned just from watching my relatives and pretending to understand squat. Nonetheless, I suck at both dialects even if I can understand both fairly well. Just to make things more interesting, I'm also going to learn rudimentary Cantonese this year. I can start as soon as I dig out the language tapes I bought close to ten years ago in Hong Kong. If things turn out as planned, I'll be able to order a cheeseburger and Coke at any McDonald's in Hong Kong.

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Monday, January 02, 2006 A.D.
Things to Do in 2006 (1 of 5)
1. Get a Notebook for Notes - I often find myself randomly coming up with ideas and making mental notes about them. In my case, however, mental notes hardly last for more than 24 hours (and I'm too cheap to get a PDA), hence pen and paper. I was trained from grade school not to write anything on the first page of the notebook (i.e. to keep a cover page). As a logical result, I could never bring myself to write on a new notebook starting from the first page. I always start from the back (and it's not because I'm Chinese either). The back page of my new notebook now has thirty items listed under 'Things to Do in 2006'.

2. Improve My Sleeping Habits - I have assumed the vampiric call center sleeping cycle. I have strange nocturnal habits that involve either sitting in front of a monitor without doing anything in particular, or staring at the ceiling above my bed. I actually live in Pakistan, just not geographically.

3. Adopt an Emo Kid - They're everywhere, and you're bound to see a gaggle of them whenever you go into a mall during a weekend. Look into your hearts to care for these undernourished souls by buying them clothes that actually fit them and telling them that the world isn't really that bad a place to be whining about it all the time. Tell them that there are problems bigger than them, and that there's no need to rush things since they will inadvertently encounter real problems when they're over 20. Emo kids need love, understanding and cheer. They are human too, albeit a different species. Adopt one today.

4. Avoid Road Rage - I hate bus drivers categorically. I also hate jeepney drivers categorically. I hate careless pedestrians (categorically) as much as I categorically hate abusive traffic cops. I generalize though, and I know that I shouldn't hate them categorically just because they're categorically idiots.

5. Take More Dietary Fiber - This basically means eating more vegetables, but whenever something as simple as that is proving difficult, know that there are a variety of fiber supplements available in the market. Dietary fiber generally improves colonic health, but more than that, dietary fiber ensures you of a better-looking stool. It also enables you to achieve the holy grail of toilet paper usage - the perfect no-wiper.

6. Watch Performances by Rockstars About to Die - I'm not talking about the monthly Araneta Coliseum/Hard Rock Cafe concert either (those are for my parents). I'm looking at you Mick and Keef, but you wussed out from playing China during the SARS scare. The list is rather long, I'm afraid, but it's safe to say that I won't be able to watch the Beatles or the Who anymore, what with their halved rosters. I'm still hoping to catch the Stones eventually, which is really not that unrealistic a plan, since Keith Richards, as most of us know, having already died long ago, can be kept infinitely 'alive' by pharmaceutical cocktails and black magic honky tonk voodoo.

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