Tuesday, December 27, 2005 A.D.
A Lumpy Update
My post-holiday workout turned out to be something interesting enough to be writing about, apparently. I stepped into the free weights area and my eyes instantly wandered into a ginormous person who resembled a carabao that's been made to stand on its hind legs. He looked like the bastard child of an upended chocolate hill, a mutant ninja turtle and a bank vault (threesome!). That he was huge wasn't the most noticeable thing about him though, because I've seen my share of bodybuilders... it's that he was exceptionally large above the waist while his legs weren't that developed in proportion. I think his arms were heftier than his legs while his head seemed as if it was buried in a pile of inflated lumps. It was amusing but scary at the same time to realize that it's humanly possible to end up as a grotesque mass of muscle and have it considered as something like a peak achievement.

Speaking of inflated lumps, I found out today that Kiana Reeves also works out at the same gym as I do. She came in right about the time that the upright carabao left. She wore a spandex bodysuit and her presence was one that demanded immediate attention (she's a professional after all), but one that didn't really hold the attention it demanded that long once recognition sets in. Yes, she did have inflated lumps, as if Christmas hams have been strapped to her chest (albeit hams that ended up a couple of ribs lower than expected). It's another celebrity encounter that I can eventually tell my grandchildren about, no doubt. I left the free weights area to cool down and found that the movie that was playing on the large screen was - ironically enough - Constantine.

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